It was 4:38 a.m. this morning when I woke up. I fell asleep in my study a little after 1:00 waiting for pictures to download. The house was dark but not quiet, the wind was blowing hard. I got up off the floor and went back to my chair. As I began working on pictures again, I could hear a noise coming from somewhere down the hall. I made my way through the dark to investigate. It was coming from Kelson's room. As I stepped inside I could see his window was open a crack and the wind was trying to make it's way through the tiny space, whistling as it went. After closing it, I sat down on Kelson's bed. He was not home. He had stayed the night in Logan where he works.
As I looked around the room, I saw so many things about a boy I love; His guitar and amp resting in the corner, his guitar chair, for when he sits comfortably, props his feet up and plays for long hours in the night. An array of tennis shoes, adorned the floor. His fish tank was bubbling, the three nephites, swimming aimlessly inside, along with lots of other fish in the tank. I looked around the room at his memorabilia from Guadalajara Mexico, emblems of a second love dear to his heart. Then I noticed his scriptures resting on top of his bed post, his book ---Teachings of the Prophets, there on his night stand.
I sat there for a long time. I thought about the day Goose's room will be empty. Yes, I cried. I don't know what I'll ever do when that day comes and there are no more children coming and going, no more familiar noises coming from their rooms. The best sound in the world is the sound of their foot steps in the hall, come night, when they finally arrive home. Really, I'm not going to be able to stand it, not for one minute. I have never wanted to be an empty nester. Never, not once!
Since I've been posting these little tributes to my kids, I've been thinking maybe 8 kids aren't enough. The other day, I asked Man With A Drill if we could have another baby. I got no response. Just a despondent look plastered across his face. I knew it was a futile question, I don't have the necessary equipment anymore. I wore it out, it's gone. I'm going to fast and pray my kids move across the street from me. I need kids! I need laughter and giggling, and some noise. I need doors opening and closing, kids traipsing in and out, eating everything in sight and hollering at me from some far off distant place in the house.
As I got up to leave Kelson's room, I stopped and turned back for one last look. Right then and there I thought about how lucky I am to have Kelson for a son. I thought about what kind of young man he's grown into, how proud I am of him. Everything in his room is a reflection of who he is and what he deems important in his life. It all reflects his character and personality. From the pictures of his brothers and his family on his dresser, to the sign on his wall that says, "Gone Fishin'" Or the books that he opens every night, the one's near his bed, books that reinforce his dynamic spiritual heart. He is an amazing young man and a great example to me. Right then and there I thought about our relationship, how much I love him, how much I enjoy him, how much I depend on him for so many things, temporal, spiritual, and personal. He is a noble young man in every sense of the word. Someone I look up to a great deal and have unbelievable respect for.
That is when I made my way back to my study, and now here I sit. I am overwhelmed with love for one boy! And the first picture makes me think of his beginnings.
I rafted the Jackson Hole river when I was nine months pregnant with Kelson. Since that day I have an imperative dislike for that river. We are not friends. I won't go into all that happened that day on one short trip down it's raging white caps. I'm just happy I'm alive and Kelson is too. That was about the dumbest thing I've ever done. I'm not a very daring person, unless I'm in a car and I'm late. Then I have no fear of speeding through traffic like a stray bullet. Yet, when it comes to the river, I have since passed on many a trip down its rumbling path. It's not my thing. My kids however, love it, even Kelson.
August 20th came just three weeks after that nightmare trip down the water. I was happy to have a new addition to the family. I was even happier he was in one piece. Maybe that's where he gets his love of rafting the river. I'm sure he loved it, rolling around in water, on water! It sounds like something he'd get a thrill out of.
When the doctor held him up and announced that he was a boy, I quickly asked, "Are you sure?" After Corbin died, God told me I was going to have another girl. How many more kids did God think I was going to have? Once again, I didn't care. When you've lost a child, you no longer care what sex the baby is when your eternal Father in heaven hands you a healthy bundle of joy!
He was healthy and he was beautiful!
Having a baby suddenly got easier with six other kids to help.
I laughed when I found this picture of Megan holding him.
Oh he was a fun baby.
Right from the get go - A little bundle of E N E R G Y!
Big and round and brown.
The girls loved him.
He and Gagey boy were friends right from the start.
Kelson has a tight bond with all of his brothers. The growing years cemented them together.
I wish I had a picture of all the things his brothers taught him.
One day they were all in the tub together. A mistake from the beginning.
They were teaching Kelson a new trick ---how to flip the bird. Seth and Gavin held his fingers down and they practiced with him there in the tub for a long time, I'm sure, until he had it down all on his own.
They didn't tell him what it meant. Kelson wasn't old enough to care. They just told him it was a friendly way to say hi. The next Sunday after church was over, Kelson inherited a bright idea to show everyone who left the church that day his new friendly hand gesture. He stood on the corner and waved to every single car that went by. Middle finger poised and erect so there was no mistaking it.
No doubt his brothers put him up to it. They stood gleefully near by. Far enough away to not look suspicious, yet close enough to laugh at Kelson's antics. I was a little shocked when I came out of the building and heard the news. How awesome is that? My son had been standing on the corner flipping people off as they traveled home from church. Great journal entry!
I have a myriad of stories to tell about Kelson. Like the time he climbed in the front seat of the car while it was running and put it in reverse backing all the way across the road, down through the pasture and then slipped the gears back into drive and was headed towards me. He was going to run over me. I was thankful that day the back tire of the car got stuck on a tiny patch of snow allowing the back wheel to spin and me to get the two year old driver out from behind the wheel!
Or the story of how he got his nickname.
Most people know Kelson as "Goose."
I have to laugh because both his grandma Crowther and his grandma Blanch don't really care for Kelson's nickname. My mom as said to me a hundred times at least. "What do you call him Goose for?" It's the tone in her voice that gives way to her complete disgust with it.
It matters not. He is "Goose" first and foremost and always will be.
Hang on to that thought for a minute while I tell you about the above picture. It is not Goose. It's Man With A Drill. My kids didn't think so however. They all swore it was Goose. They were thumbing through the baby pictures one day and were commenting on what a cute little boy Kelson was. They were a little shocked when I told them this was not a picture of Kelson.
Kelson resembles his father in more ways than just inherent looks.
He has many traits of his father. He is calm, gentle by nature, and easy going, just like his dad.
This is what happens when your best friend is your little sister. You sit patiently on the floor and you let her do your hair.
The trouble is. Kelson does not have a lot of hair. Which is partly how his nickname came into being. Even to this day, Kelson's hair is downy soft. Yup, just like a baby Goose.
The thing that cinched his nickname for good is a reflection of how Kelson learned to run. He'd put his hands behind his back and flap them like a set of wings and then he'd waddle as fast as he could go. That was it, he ran like a goose. I started calling him Goose. From then on it stuck like glue. It wasn't long and everyone started calling him "Goose." In fact there were kids at school who had no idea who Kelson was, but they knew Goose as soon as you mentioned his nickname. Even now, I'll run into kids that I haven't seen in a decade and they'll ask me, "How's Goose?" The whole world calls him by that name. Kelson loves it. He is the Gooseman and he is proud of it. So am I.
Another thing you should know about this boy; for the first few years he wasn't real steady on his feat. That didn't stop him though, Kelson was a mover and a shaker. As a little boy, he wouldn't hold still for a minute. Look at this picture below and tell me he doesn't look like an abused child. He had stitches above his eye from falling and hitting the fireplace. He had stitches below his other eye, he cut his chin open and six weeks later, on the very day he got his stitches out, he fell in the exact same place reopening the wound for another trip to the doctor to stitch the same spot right back up for the second time.
Then there was the time he hooked a bungy cord up to the front seat of the suburban. He then climbed all the way to the back and pulled on it as hard as he could. The bungy cord came loose and nearly took his eye out. We went to the hospital on that one, and for three days we had to keep him flat down and still as can be ---a nearly unachievable chore for mom and dad. We just had to hope and pray his cornea would heal. He's lucky to be able to see clearly out that eye.
Then there was the time Man With A Drill let him fall out of the car. This is while it was speeding down the road no less. Man With A Drill and the boys had gone up to Smith's to get something from the store. Gage and Goose were in their car seats when they left. After coming out of the store, Man With A Drill felt impressed to travel down the road to the old tree stump where the water comes out and you can get a drink. He thought the boys would like that.
The problem was, after he left the store, he failed to buckle the kids back in. "I'm just goin' down the road," he thought, so why waste time buckling in two rambunctious toddlers. He said he could hear Gage grunting and pointing at something. That's when he looked in his rearview mirror and saw a sight that to this day haunts him.
Kelson had opened up the back door of the car and with the car moving about 25 MPH had fallen out. All dad could see was a little boy in green coveralls laying face down in the middle of the road not moving, cars rapidly approaching behind. Man With A Drill stopped the car and ran to see if his son was dead. He grabbed him and picked him up. The jolt had knocked the wind out of Kelson and his coveralls were all dirty. but he was alive and breathing and miraculously he had no scrapes or bruises. When he walked back to the car, Gage was jumping up and down in the back seat. I think he was happy to see Goose was ok.
I didn't hear about this story for weeks. Every time however I went to go anywhere near the car with kids in hand I got an hour lecture from Man With A Drill on how I had to buckle the kids up. Serious, he would go on and on for an hour, all the while giving instruction on how the kids couldn't be trusted and no matter how far I was traveling I had to buckle them in.
I raised my kids in the era where it was permissible for them to ride anywhere in a 80 mile an hour moving vehicle, jumping up and down in the back seat as we traveled. It was the best era ever. I could not understand where this paranoia was coming from.
Then one day from the pulpit, Man With A Drill bore his testimony in church, giving me all the sorted details of that scary day. He felt he was at a safe distance to tell me how he nearly killed our son.
Luckily the older Kelson got the better things got. The bumps and bruises of toddler-hood finally passed.
Looking through all my albums for this post took forever. There were a million and one cute pictures of Goose.
In every book I ran across countless pictures of him and Des. From the time they were little they have been best friends, side kicks to the max.
The great thing about that statement is that I can say that about every one of my kids when it comes to their relationship with each other. Each child is friends with every other child.
This is Kelson's baptism pictures. I love how he has his arm around Desi. They have always been close.
I wish life had a redial button.
Each time I look through my pictures, I want to hit it and do a repeat!
Jump back into every moment and live it once again.
One thing that's always been visible from the start with Goose...
Is his heart.
It's a noble and honest kind of heart ---a very loving heart.
Kelson is and always has been an honest, humble valiant kid.
He is patient and always kind. (You know you love your sisters, when you let them do your hair.)
He's a good soul.
And people know it right away when they meet him.
He was a cute little munchkin, in the play and out of the play.
Did I tell you, spending time with Goose is a real treat!
Then and always, I love hangin with the Gooseman!
It wasn't long and we entered into the missionary era.
When Goose takes a wife, I don't know who will mow my lawn.
One thing is for certain.
Life will not be as good without his familiar ways when it comes time for him to make his way into the world.
I hope he takes forever to find a girl.
Besides being loved at home. Goose was loved at school as well. He was an officer and well liked every where he went.
Goose is an outdoorsman. He loves to snowboard, wakeboard, and water ski.
He loves almost any sport. His real passion though comes attached to a line with a hook on the end. He is a great fisherman!
(We didn't mow our lawn for a few weeks in Bear Lake. It was so tall you could disappear in it.)
Here he is coming off the rope swing at Bloomington.
The Bro's
Always Happy
Forever positive
Optomistic
A cup half full kind of guy.
Handsome
Thoughtful
As well as fun to be around.
There is nothing in this boy not to love!
Always a good example to everyone
Spiritual to the core.
And full of life.
Easy to get along with.
And always willing to lend a hand.
Master of any board,
Water or Snow
Honest
Caring
Noble and True
This tribute is for you today Kelson. A celebration for all you have grown into. I always look up to you in every way. I'm so lucky to be able to say, "That's my son!" You always make me proud! When I walk into Walmart and listen to Mary, your Walmart mom, go on and on about what a good kid you are. I am so proud to call you mine! Every where I go, people say the same thing about you. They speak of your integrity. They talk about your loving heart and your caring ways. They speak of you with love and with admiration and respect. Always the comments are something like, "Wow, that's an incredible young man you've got there." And it doesn't matter their station in life, from the richest to the poorest, you are loved for being you, a humble down to earth kid who just cares about people more than himself.
Kudos to you today Goose! You are the man! And I am so proud to be your mother!
Love you, now and forever!
