Our Last Wedding

And Just Like That, The Last Bird Leaves The Nest



I worked on it for hours, me, making a skimpy four minute video to somehow capture the meaning behind the entire day. How can one do that in four minutes? And then when I finished, I sat and watched it at least a gajillion times. I'm still watching it. Yes I cry every time I watch it. It’s been therapeutic. I’ve cried an ocean of tears because this is my life’s work, my family. There is nothing else. This is everything that matters, all that matters, the only thing that matters. This is the meaning of living. Nothing in me holds the weight my family holds. All of life’s greatest joy is found here! How many ways can I write down the words that drive home the point. . . I love my family, every single one of them, deeper than anyone could ever imagine. 

Oh, this wedding! My joy has collided with my grief. The two have hit head on, intwined forces, and the emotion feels like a category 5 hurricane in me.  Pain, missing Glade, incased by the ultimate joy. . . Our beautiful daughter getting married.  Cirrus bands of steady nimbostratus tears. All of it twisting around and around in rainbands surrounding the eye of my heart.  

Today is an attempt at a high wind sheer of recording it, writing it all down, an attempt to calm the storm. The weather has cooled, I remind myself I’m standing on solid ground. All the tools necessary to dissipate the spinning catastrophic pressure are present, but God’s help is required. I plead, “Please ease my overwhelming array of intense emotions.” 

This wedding day. My last child married. I am officially an empty nester. Thus the storm has hit. I have crossed over, crossed through. There are no more night noises. There is no one to walk in the door and shout, “I’m home.” No more goings and comings. . . Silence is NOT golden. Who thought up this absurd statement? Someone lied. I buried a son. I buried my soulmate. Now all my children are married and gone, and now my house is truly empty. And suddenly life has turned to waiting. Will anyone call? Will anyone come? Has the fullest part of my life passed me by? And that’s a proverbial yes, by the way. Anyone who tries to con you into thinking otherwise, is a liar, a cold hearted, deceitful, bare faced liar. Empty? Who likes empty? I’ve never liked empty anything! There is nothing good about empty.  I built my life around Glade and my kids. And when I walk in the door to greet, let me see, —no one, my house feels like a tomb. So much for empty. 

I wait. I pray. I hope. Aging is brutal. The universe doesn’t value the aging.

Someone please give me my chaos back! I thrive on chaos! I’m the woman who had eight kids. It’s in my DNA. My grandmother had 10! I should’ve had 10. My grandmother was a genius!

I am an enneagram 4. Some days, I wish I was any other number. As a 4, I feel deeply and I am deeply emotional and sensitive. I’m called the Individualist and I seek to be creative and authentic, but the trouble is, I mostly just feel misunderstood. I am highly intuitive and I can sense underlying emotional currents easily, like emotional pending hurricanes. With Glade’s death, it has left me feeling broken and flawed. And it has left me with a deeper longing to be understood, loved, and valued for who I am, who I’ve always been. I am never going to be anyone different. If you’re waiting for me to be different, you’re missing out. I might be an enneagram 4 but I am a fun enneagram 4!

I’m old! I have entered the last chapter of the best book ever written, my own life’s story. I am so sad to see the end getting closer. It's scary! I really loved the middle of the book! Like any good book, I don’t want it to end. And I have discovered, I like being me, except when it’s painful. Sometimes life holds way too much pain and I feel pain so intensely. Remember, I am a 4. I could do with less of the painful parts of life. Partings are painful! I've never parted well with my children. I sure as hell haven’t parted well with losing Glade. That’s a shock and a burning searing pain that will never pass! Landslide! I built my life around my people, G and my kids, all of them, they are MY people. You see, a husband and a happy family, this has been my chosen life path, my chosen career path, my chosen everything path. 

So understand this. . . This wedding day brought so much emotion out in me. It also brought about the most pure intense joy I have felt in a long time. The joy was palpable. And with it came great clarity. I have grown. God stretched me hard in the planning. I worried that I could not get through the day without my emotions ruining it all. I could not fathom this wedding without Glade by my side. But God held onto me. He blessed me with strength I never knew I had. And Glade was holding on to me as well, always there, always helping. The spirit throughout this whole process, was so strong heaven was nearly visible. The Holy Spirit of promise tended to it all! I felt it in the planning, the preparation, and the beautiful event itself. Two souls kneeling at an alter, entering into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage, the new and everlasting covenant for happiness. It was the grandest thing I have ever witnessed. Heaven was fully present! My words to describe it all fall short. It was so beautiful and the Abrahamic covenant lives on through me. I have sat in the temple with my entire family! All of us there, all of us together, My number one goal in this life has been fulfilled. I asked God for this blessing. My son said to me, “Mom, You got everything you wanted in this life, you just didn’t get it here, on earth, for as long as you wanted.” It’s true! I have lived out my number one goal, I did my part and gratitude rests heavy in my soul today. There is peace in seeing it through. 

Today I think of my own sacred eternal promises I made with Glade. I remember that day so clearly, the alter, his face, my hand in his, our eternal vows, the immense love. And every blessing in my life flows from here. And now our own child’s wedding, the last one, Glade was so present in an indescribable way for every part of it. I saw and felt his emotion. I saw his heart. He was not missing out on his baby girl’s wedding, no, not any part of it! I saw it time and time again, from stories of giant heart rocks, to moon stones, and fishing pole lighters, and a dream that showed me what my heart needed to see. Story after story of his endearing heavenly ways of being with us. Him, always fulfilling his ultimate calling, that of being a husband and a father, first and foremost. Love is stronger than death and fiercer than any grave! And no veil can separate or hold love back. 

Gratitude pierces every part of me!

So I gathered my heart with pictures, images to savor every morsel of this monumental day. I hunted for hours for just the right melody. I prayed, I did! I said, “God please help me! I need the perfect song for the perfect day! This day needs a cover CD! I need just the right notes penned with just the right words, a representation of the purest joy.” And He brought it to me in the sweetest way. 

And here is my heart:

“. . . If I wished myself a super power, 

I would make this moment last for hours. 

If I had my will, 

Time would just stand still

Wait for me until 

I find some magic film. . . 



To take a photograph 

          . . . and live inside.”

https://vimeo.com/1132719464/23d1a12d6d

CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE TO WATCH THE VIDEO!

From Time to Time

There'll never be a night that's so dark that we won't shine!

Or a dream that we've lost that we can't find!

On the Fourth of July I was sitting watching my family as they were providing great entertainment on my birthday. I decided to record it! I love capturing these spontaneous moments. I was missing Glade something fierce when I noticed a song that was playing on the radio. We are crows and we love music and usually have it playing in the background at any party. As I heard the familiar tune, suddenly I felt Glade in every note. It felt as if he were standing right there next to me. As I listened to each verse, I could hear his voice in every word. It was a powerful message to me and a wonderful gift from the man I love on my special day. And as I wrote his thoughts down on my phone, so as to never forget, I realized how powerful his communications resonate in me as well. I can't tell you how much I love my husband and my family! My world! My everything! Thanks honey for the remarkable gift, it made my day! Man, I love your heavenly ways! Love from you I will never ever forget! And thanks to my beautiful family for another great birthday! 💚🇺🇸😇

"From time to time I have regrets

For all the things I didn't say

That were on my list,

From time to time my memory slips

But you're the one thing in my life

I won't forget!

There'll never be a minute of the day I won't think of you,

My feelings are so strong in me

I feel it through and through.

There'll never be a night that's so dark that we won't shine!

Or a dream that we've lost that we can't find!

You'll always be, oh the one for me

I think of you from time to time

And in between.

You'll always be, oh the one for me!"

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

In Memory Of Eleanor Crowther - Truly A Great Lady!

A Tribute To Glade's Second Mom

September 13, 1920 - January 6, 2014

Every once in a while, by the sheer grace of God, a blessing is bestowed upon life in a single moment, a blessing that will forever improve us in such a way that we can scarcely comprehend it until time has past and the blessing has unrolled and presented itself fully in all it's greatness. Some of our greatest blessings come to us totally unannounced, almost as if they slip in the back door when we are not looking. They settle in upon us so subtly we have no clue as to the tremendous worth and richness they will add to our lives. And we go about living one day after the next, never fully taking stock of what surrounds us, until one day, years down the road, when in a single moment that same blessing slips sadly from us as subtly as it arrived and we are faced with the complete loss of what we really had. Suddenly we stop, stunned only to feel the pain in our hearts as our comprehension becomes crystal clear as to the worth of what was before us.

"It is a wise individual who values what is before him and cherishes it while it is with him." Wisdom by ~Faye Crowther

I speak of these things because that is how I came to know Eleanor. Suddenly, one day she was just there. She came into my life so subtly, unannounced, a blessed gift in the making. Little did I know she would become one of the greatest blessings I would ever have grace my life.
Lucky for me, it didn't take me long to realize what God had given me. In every way possible Eleanor always was and always will be, a guiding light in my life! Her wisdom knew no boundaries and extended out to every characteristic trait any human could possess. From kindness to tact, Eleanor had it all. She always knew what to say and when to say it. She was educated, honest, loyal, a defender of truth, a friend in the greatest sense of the word and above all else she had a giant, spiritual, giving heart. Eleanor was one of the purest examples of Christ like love I have ever met.

In some of my roughest trials in life, Eleanor was always the first person I turned to for direction. And without fail, I always came away with exactly what a wounded confused soul needed. In those beginning years of our relationship, I lost a son and there were many times she spoke wisdom to my aching broken soul. In fact I wish I had her to turn to now! If I had any problem, Eleanor always had wisdom and comfort for me. Her wise words were always a light in my life.

There are so many things I could say about Eleanor. The list could extend into the eternities. I'll miss how she taught me to play cards, Hand and Foot, and never forget, a card laid is a card played ---you better not take your finger off it. She was a stickler for rules in any game. In my life I will never lack for fond memories of one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Oh, how I love her. Her example of how to live life will always be with me.

One thing I always said to her, "Eleanor, I hope I can grow up to be even half the woman you are! If I can just rise above myself that far, I will have really accomplished something." I meant it too. Anyone would have to strive long and hard to come anywhere close to this woman's sheer incredibleness! There is no doubt in my mind the mansion she has earned for herself in the life she now resides in. And she leaves a hole here no one can fill.

I love you Eleanor! I know Hazel (Glade's Mom) sent you to us. Lorin was so lucky to find you. And when I think of monumental blessings in my life that are rich beyond measure I will think of YOU! My comprehension of your worth in my life is crystal clear! May God bring me someday to where you and my loved ones are! May I live worthy of that. I know you are with Glade and with my Corbin..... and my mission now becomes a tough one, living worthy to be with those I love more than life itself. Hug them for me. Thanks for being a great lady, an example to all, excellence in its finest!

Forever and Always!
Love you so much!

Murder At The Deadwood Saloon

Murder At The Deadwood Saloon-HD (1080p) from Faye Crowther on Vimeo.

When the Crow's have an Adult Birthday Party... Look out!

We believe in havin' a hog killin time!

Sherif Sam and Banker Bonnie masterminded all the shoot!

Ifin you ain't akin to talkin and readin in such a manner as this,

you must be addle-headed and. . .

you may wanna' amputate yer' timber!

Bend and elbow, and don't become a Cat's Paw, them was the terms and conditions
of this here shin-dig.

It was a night of bamboozling and balderdash.

A poker face was aways in order as well as steelin' and thievin'

Meet the Easterners, Montgomery Money and Elizabeth his juniper.

We wasn't five seconds into the night when Elizabeth had 

all her money stollen by some nibbler.

 Thievin varmints!

Minnie Money, their daughter showed up with the most fashionable duds you ever did see!

She had the finest back staircase any girl would envy! Nice rat trap Minnie!

Banker Bonnie and Sheriff Sam did all the plannin of this here party.

Banker Bonnie was straight up according to hoyle!

And we all decided Sheriff Sam was so authentic, he had to be kin to Wyatt Earp!

He got the costume of the night award!

Through the night we had plenty of ballast to spend and we also got a 

cockeyed set of instructions that were catawamptiously followed by everyone... 

To cap the climax, Clay Colwell showed up with his ten gallon hat full of deviltry. 

He spent the night cavortin with the lady of the line, Sally Starr.

Some might say ole Clay was a persnickity man.

But only in regards to how he held his persuader.

Love the three by nine smile on his face on the right. 

Had a hard time pullin a straight face, he did.

All night long we had to keep an eye pinned to these two cantankerous characters,

Gamblin Jack and his peck of trouble, Black Barbra. 

Jack had the best pair of can-openers I evar did see. and  Black Barbra his road agent

was a bad ringster. Through the night we found out these two spent all their time hidin in the willows.

Yup, their reputations could knock ya galley west! 

Gamblin Jack played his part so well he won a prize. 

I think it was that stogy he kept puffin on all night. Every time he

drew a breath it lit up like a bay. 

Mitch Maverick and Holly Hickok showed up in their finest duds.

Little did Maverick know his days were numbered and he had two lives to live!

Holly wore her best big and tucker. 

Finery at it's best right here at the Deadwood!

Personally I was coveting Black Barbra's belt! she probably stole it!

Harry Highstakes and me, Henrietta. Owners of Deadwood.

Harry bought me the nicest necklace!

I thought he got it with his money he obtained panning for gold.

Through the night I would come to find, that is NOT how he came by his money at all!

Harry you dog!

Sally Star was suppose to be dancing with only the highest paid customers.

She spent all her time all night holdin a cryin baby. Worthless wench!

Clay? Are you the father of that child? Me and Harry need to have a word with you!

Jesse Wales spent time with Poker Alice. 

She dealt cards at the saloon and was so full of taradiddles!

Jesse though is no ten cent man! He's never put tin on a horse to win!

Alice was admiring his 4/10 all night long. And I heard her say, "That boy does brisk up!" 

Poker Alice lookin fine as cream gravy!

We ate the best vitals a chuck wagon could stir up. Maddox couldn't have cooked up a finer meal. 

There were no Mexican strawberries or salt water vegetables

but we ate plenty of axle grease on our bread!

Who done let that baby in our saloon? No babies allowed!

Gamblin Jack was fulla swagger!

The Duke showed up! He's a regular at the Deadwood!

A personal friend of mine. 

The lights went out....

OH NO!

THERE'S BEEN A MURDER!

Poor Mitch Maverick.. an alfalfa desperado dead at such a young age.

Henry Highstakes reacts

Who would ever suspect Mr. Money?

The US Marshall said there was gonna be a Texas cake walk!

Sam and Jesse try to figure out who done it!

Everyone tried to collect evidence. 

Money was paid for important information. 

The US Marshall took a fancy to Holly. Holly thought he was a right fine belvedere!

We had more babies in the saloon than you could shake a stick at!

NO BABIES ALLOWED!

Gamblin Jack all tuckered out from all the drinkin and cavortin I suppose!

The US Marshall help us discover who done it.

Sheer shock to end the evening and find out Ole Montgomery Money was a murderin desperado!

Minnie was so perplexed.... "My daddy done it? Woe is me!"

Henry adds his two bits worth!

Jesse is down right saddened to think Poker Alice and him have to leave town soon!

He was hopin a Texas jail cell would hold um here a little longer. 

I knew a sweet thing like Alice could never kill a man!

Cheatin at cards is what she does best.

Even back in the old day they had PHOTO BOMBERS!

Love the parasol Minnie! 

One of my favorite pics of the evening. Great Party folks!

It's official.....

The Wildest Family In The West!

And certainly the funnest family of all time!