Have you ever found yourself smack dab in the middle of h_ _ _ only to sit and wonder how in the world you got there? Several weeks ago I found myself in this very place. Desi and I decided to drive to Perry and see a movie. We were a little bit late so I was trying to make every minute count - Ok - yes, I was speeding, but just a little bit. As I passed Smith & Edwards I came upon a scary gang of bikers. There were about 20 of them in all and they were traveling in pairs, slowly I might add. As I followed them entering Willard, two lanes opened up so I moved into the slow lane hoping to get around them. To my dismay a single biker had also moved into the slow lane and now I was stuck behind him as well. As I drove down the road, I kept switching lanes back and forth trying to pass but it was impossible. Hard as I tried, I could not get around the single dude living in his own world or the leather laced herd. I soon figured out they were intentionally not letting me pass, for RUDE! We traveled down the road some distance going back and forth playing this little game. Finally I saw a break. I looked in the passing lane and noticed there was one lone girl in the group without a partner traveling by her side. She had slowed down leaving a large gap between her and the gang ahead. Opportunity only knocks once so I signaled and moved into the passing lane in front of her. This put me smack dab in the middle of all these rumbling metal machines. This did not go over well. I was taking up space in their formation and they did not like it one bit. Suddenly this lone woman decided to be my friend --- not! She took her bike and bolted from behind. I was astonished when she pulled right up to the left side of my car. I wondered if maybe she was going to ask me for a cigarette or something. I didn't dare roll down my window to find out. She was so close I could see her fake eyelashes through her green goggles. News flash: A car and a motorbike do not fit well in one lane of traffic. But there we were driving down the road side by side desperately trying not to strike up a conversation with our hands! Now as she made her strategic move, the single biker traveling in the slow lane also decided to get in on the action. Before I knew it he was snuggled up to the right side of my car pinning me in the passing lane tight with absolutely no room to move. As I took note of what was happening I must have gone into a state of shock there by not paying attention to my foot which had now come of the gas peddle causing my speed to decrease excessively. This created a large gap between me and the group ahead. Was this my lucky moment, because now in order to keep me pinned the two bikers on each side of me also had to slow down. Finally, the very break I had waited for. Seeing the chance to pass the single biker, I signaled, romped on the gas peddle, shot ahead with the speed of a bullet, changed lanes, and politely left them all in the dust! This is where I want to go into anthems of praise and adoration for the power of my Envoy even though that power often gets me into trouble! As I became clear of the woolly faced, long haired bikers, I was feeling pretty smug, then I got rehashing all that had transpired and that's when the cold chill started down my spine. I don't know what brought it to the fore front of my feeble brain but it now dawned on me (duh) that I was presently traveling in front of about 21 people who wanted to kill me. This led me to make a rash decision to keep speeding in order to create distance between me and the gang of heathens now following behind. Keep in mind I was now speeding worse than any race car driver in the Indy 500. I was barreling down the road to preserve my life for Pete's sake. That's when our eyes first met; the lovely little law officer in a fashionable blue police car sitting off the side of the road panning for speeders, he was now glaring at me. I looked down at my speedometer and immediately started to form cuss words in my head, colorful ones, in a large variety. I decided to forgo the chase and just pull over before he lit up every light he owned. Sure enough just as I changed lanes to pull over and show him my beautiful picture ID, on came his pretty red flashing lights. He and his partner were a little surprised when I just pulled up next to them. As the first officer approached my window, the gang of Harley lovers were now passing us. To my dismay the last biker in the gang pulled over, filing a complaint with the second officer, telling the nice policeman that I had just plowed my way right up through the middle of them. Which was totally impossible by the way. As I explained my plight to the officer that was standing at my window, his remarks were that he hadn't seen any of this so he really didn't care and he was just going to exercise his authority and issue me a ticket for my rampant speeding. I too decided to exercise my right filing a complaint against the herd of bikers, giving my rendition of the ghastly moment. The officer was not very sympathetic to my woes of why I was speeding. Of course he didn't even care that my very life hung in the balance! He did however take down my complaint, assuring me he would hand it to the city attorney personally, then he handed me my little pink ticket to poverty and calmly drove away. Needless to say after the whole sorted ordeal there was no movie for Des and I and I drove home crying. I cry a lot. I'm a very emotional person, but even so, this experience did something to the inside of me. I seriously snapped over it. Anytime anyone brought up the horrible tale it sent me into a fit of tears. I was mental over it for weeks. Just as I thought the ugly ordeal had passed I received a knock at my door one fine sunny morning. I opened the door only to find a not so nice man standing there in a crisp green uniform with a little Smokey the Bear hat pinned to his head. He was holding a summons in his fat stubby hands. He somberly ask me if I was Faye Crowther. I looked at his shinny little Barny Fife badge with the word "Sheriff" boldly etched in the middle of it and wished I had said no. I wanted to tell him I didn't know any stupid idiot by that name, but figuring I didn't have anywhere to run to, I took the summons from him, shut the door, sat down on the couch, and started balling all over again. The summons stated that I was being prosecuted for reckless driving. Reckless driving??? Were they serious??? Me ..... a reckless out of control driver??? I can't believe I'm even writing this on the blog. I can just see anyone who is at all the slightest bit familiar with my driving habits nodding their head up and down in the affirmative manner thinking finally they caught her. I maintain the open stance that I am not a reckless driver, I am just a very fast driver. I can't help it if my car only has two speeds, stop and go fast? Seth has already vehemently disagreed with the statement as I am sure many of you will. Reckless driving by the way carries a fine of five hundred smack-a-roos and a minimum of 90 points that will attach themselves to your driving record like starving blood suckers, hanging there for who knows how long, undoubtedly doing lethal damage to your insurance, as well as sucking every dime right out of your pocket. Well, I said to Glade, "I'm getting an attorney for this one and I don't care how much it costs." Just as I was about to call Uncle Bob for some direction in the matter, Lee, dad's nephew, got talking to us at the Crowther reunion. I decided to muster up the courage to tell him about my sorted ordeal and seek his legal opinion. The second I said I needed to ask him a question about going to court he laughed heartedly out loud and told me to plead guilty! I nearly started crying at the mere mention of the word "Guilty". Lee is the prosecuting attorney for Logan City, so after recovering from the shock of his comment, I told him about the whole saga and how I had paid my speeding ticket, but was worried about going to court. He went on to explain that reckless driving has to contain three separate offenses. I tried to think what those offenses would be. I figured they were; failure to signal even though I did, improper lane change (well, it's true, I don't think I took 3 seconds to signal before I bolted ahead of the lone ranger - after all, I was gone in 3 seconds), and speeding. After hearing all of this Lee looked at me with a smile and that's when he gave me the best news of my life and the number one reason why I'm a born and bred, red white and blue, freedom loving American. Two words "Double Jeopardy!" Wow, and I thought you only saw this in the movies! I knew I loved the fifth amendment "You can't be punished for the same crime twice!" I just never thought it would play out in my life! Ashley Judd move over, I'm staring in my own thriller! Whala! He said he would call a friend of a friend of a friend and several weeks later the entire case was dismissed by the judge because speeding was part of the reckless driving charge and it's true, they can't prosecute you for the same crime twice! I love our founding forefathers - did I mention they were brilliant men? Since I had already taken care of my speeding ticket, pleading guilty to the charge at hand and paying all of my hard earned cash towards it they could not charge me with the same offense again. I now want to declare, I am a free woman! I think that's the closest I've ever come to jail time and I know some of you are going to be very disappointed that I'm still out on the roads driving! I will say it's changed me for the moment. Now when I see a policeman or a biker I break out into a cold sweat and I've been driving everywhere very, very, slow - honest - Mormon's Honor! I will now close with some important advice - if any of you ever see a big scary gang of bikers while driving, turn your car around, go home, lock your doors, pull the blinds, and don't leave your house for three days. Thanks Lee I love you for saving my life! I owe you and your friend lunch at the Blue Bird! And the verdict is ........"NOT GUILTY!"
Monday, September 8, 2008
Not Guilty! A very long post!
Have you ever found yourself smack dab in the middle of h_ _ _ only to sit and wonder how in the world you got there? Several weeks ago I found myself in this very place. Desi and I decided to drive to Perry and see a movie. We were a little bit late so I was trying to make every minute count - Ok - yes, I was speeding, but just a little bit. As I passed Smith & Edwards I came upon a scary gang of bikers. There were about 20 of them in all and they were traveling in pairs, slowly I might add. As I followed them entering Willard, two lanes opened up so I moved into the slow lane hoping to get around them. To my dismay a single biker had also moved into the slow lane and now I was stuck behind him as well. As I drove down the road, I kept switching lanes back and forth trying to pass but it was impossible. Hard as I tried, I could not get around the single dude living in his own world or the leather laced herd. I soon figured out they were intentionally not letting me pass, for RUDE! We traveled down the road some distance going back and forth playing this little game. Finally I saw a break. I looked in the passing lane and noticed there was one lone girl in the group without a partner traveling by her side. She had slowed down leaving a large gap between her and the gang ahead. Opportunity only knocks once so I signaled and moved into the passing lane in front of her. This put me smack dab in the middle of all these rumbling metal machines. This did not go over well. I was taking up space in their formation and they did not like it one bit. Suddenly this lone woman decided to be my friend --- not! She took her bike and bolted from behind. I was astonished when she pulled right up to the left side of my car. I wondered if maybe she was going to ask me for a cigarette or something. I didn't dare roll down my window to find out. She was so close I could see her fake eyelashes through her green goggles. News flash: A car and a motorbike do not fit well in one lane of traffic. But there we were driving down the road side by side desperately trying not to strike up a conversation with our hands! Now as she made her strategic move, the single biker traveling in the slow lane also decided to get in on the action. Before I knew it he was snuggled up to the right side of my car pinning me in the passing lane tight with absolutely no room to move. As I took note of what was happening I must have gone into a state of shock there by not paying attention to my foot which had now come of the gas peddle causing my speed to decrease excessively. This created a large gap between me and the group ahead. Was this my lucky moment, because now in order to keep me pinned the two bikers on each side of me also had to slow down. Finally, the very break I had waited for. Seeing the chance to pass the single biker, I signaled, romped on the gas peddle, shot ahead with the speed of a bullet, changed lanes, and politely left them all in the dust! This is where I want to go into anthems of praise and adoration for the power of my Envoy even though that power often gets me into trouble! As I became clear of the woolly faced, long haired bikers, I was feeling pretty smug, then I got rehashing all that had transpired and that's when the cold chill started down my spine. I don't know what brought it to the fore front of my feeble brain but it now dawned on me (duh) that I was presently traveling in front of about 21 people who wanted to kill me. This led me to make a rash decision to keep speeding in order to create distance between me and the gang of heathens now following behind. Keep in mind I was now speeding worse than any race car driver in the Indy 500. I was barreling down the road to preserve my life for Pete's sake. That's when our eyes first met; the lovely little law officer in a fashionable blue police car sitting off the side of the road panning for speeders, he was now glaring at me. I looked down at my speedometer and immediately started to form cuss words in my head, colorful ones, in a large variety. I decided to forgo the chase and just pull over before he lit up every light he owned. Sure enough just as I changed lanes to pull over and show him my beautiful picture ID, on came his pretty red flashing lights. He and his partner were a little surprised when I just pulled up next to them. As the first officer approached my window, the gang of Harley lovers were now passing us. To my dismay the last biker in the gang pulled over, filing a complaint with the second officer, telling the nice policeman that I had just plowed my way right up through the middle of them. Which was totally impossible by the way. As I explained my plight to the officer that was standing at my window, his remarks were that he hadn't seen any of this so he really didn't care and he was just going to exercise his authority and issue me a ticket for my rampant speeding. I too decided to exercise my right filing a complaint against the herd of bikers, giving my rendition of the ghastly moment. The officer was not very sympathetic to my woes of why I was speeding. Of course he didn't even care that my very life hung in the balance! He did however take down my complaint, assuring me he would hand it to the city attorney personally, then he handed me my little pink ticket to poverty and calmly drove away. Needless to say after the whole sorted ordeal there was no movie for Des and I and I drove home crying. I cry a lot. I'm a very emotional person, but even so, this experience did something to the inside of me. I seriously snapped over it. Anytime anyone brought up the horrible tale it sent me into a fit of tears. I was mental over it for weeks. Just as I thought the ugly ordeal had passed I received a knock at my door one fine sunny morning. I opened the door only to find a not so nice man standing there in a crisp green uniform with a little Smokey the Bear hat pinned to his head. He was holding a summons in his fat stubby hands. He somberly ask me if I was Faye Crowther. I looked at his shinny little Barny Fife badge with the word "Sheriff" boldly etched in the middle of it and wished I had said no. I wanted to tell him I didn't know any stupid idiot by that name, but figuring I didn't have anywhere to run to, I took the summons from him, shut the door, sat down on the couch, and started balling all over again. The summons stated that I was being prosecuted for reckless driving. Reckless driving??? Were they serious??? Me ..... a reckless out of control driver??? I can't believe I'm even writing this on the blog. I can just see anyone who is at all the slightest bit familiar with my driving habits nodding their head up and down in the affirmative manner thinking finally they caught her. I maintain the open stance that I am not a reckless driver, I am just a very fast driver. I can't help it if my car only has two speeds, stop and go fast? Seth has already vehemently disagreed with the statement as I am sure many of you will. Reckless driving by the way carries a fine of five hundred smack-a-roos and a minimum of 90 points that will attach themselves to your driving record like starving blood suckers, hanging there for who knows how long, undoubtedly doing lethal damage to your insurance, as well as sucking every dime right out of your pocket. Well, I said to Glade, "I'm getting an attorney for this one and I don't care how much it costs." Just as I was about to call Uncle Bob for some direction in the matter, Lee, dad's nephew, got talking to us at the Crowther reunion. I decided to muster up the courage to tell him about my sorted ordeal and seek his legal opinion. The second I said I needed to ask him a question about going to court he laughed heartedly out loud and told me to plead guilty! I nearly started crying at the mere mention of the word "Guilty". Lee is the prosecuting attorney for Logan City, so after recovering from the shock of his comment, I told him about the whole saga and how I had paid my speeding ticket, but was worried about going to court. He went on to explain that reckless driving has to contain three separate offenses. I tried to think what those offenses would be. I figured they were; failure to signal even though I did, improper lane change (well, it's true, I don't think I took 3 seconds to signal before I bolted ahead of the lone ranger - after all, I was gone in 3 seconds), and speeding. After hearing all of this Lee looked at me with a smile and that's when he gave me the best news of my life and the number one reason why I'm a born and bred, red white and blue, freedom loving American. Two words "Double Jeopardy!" Wow, and I thought you only saw this in the movies! I knew I loved the fifth amendment "You can't be punished for the same crime twice!" I just never thought it would play out in my life! Ashley Judd move over, I'm staring in my own thriller! Whala! He said he would call a friend of a friend of a friend and several weeks later the entire case was dismissed by the judge because speeding was part of the reckless driving charge and it's true, they can't prosecute you for the same crime twice! I love our founding forefathers - did I mention they were brilliant men? Since I had already taken care of my speeding ticket, pleading guilty to the charge at hand and paying all of my hard earned cash towards it they could not charge me with the same offense again. I now want to declare, I am a free woman! I think that's the closest I've ever come to jail time and I know some of you are going to be very disappointed that I'm still out on the roads driving! I will say it's changed me for the moment. Now when I see a policeman or a biker I break out into a cold sweat and I've been driving everywhere very, very, slow - honest - Mormon's Honor! I will now close with some important advice - if any of you ever see a big scary gang of bikers while driving, turn your car around, go home, lock your doors, pull the blinds, and don't leave your house for three days. Thanks Lee I love you for saving my life! I owe you and your friend lunch at the Blue Bird! And the verdict is ........"NOT GUILTY!"
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