25 Years

Today was Corbin's birthday. He would be 25 years old today. I wish I had more than one picture of him but I don't. Every year I find the same little picture and place it here. And every year I wish I had taken up photography a long, long time ago.

Today was a really good day for me. When I woke up this morning the first thing I did was I sat up in my bed and read the last five pages of the Book of Mormon. I have grown to love the Book of Mormon! I started my reading on May 24th and I finished today. I didn't really plan it that way, but I thought how nice that today was Corbin's birthday and today I finished a goal I had set. The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

The last Chapter of the Book of Mormon, Moroni talks about spiritual gifts, encourages us to have faith, hope, charity, and bids us to "Come unto Christ."

It felt good to read the last chapter this morning and as I read I felt overwhelmed with everything I have to overcome in myself. Knowing I have a son who resides in Heaven puts a lot of pressure on me. Reading the last chapter filled me with emotion for there are times I wonder if I'm a disappointment to my son. I can't help feeling that I am sometimes, because of the frequent times I am a disappointment to myself. I can relate to Nephi's Psalm where he cries "Oh wretched man that I am." But as I closed the book I felt so much hope and love from my son who resides with my Savior. I am so thankful to know, even though I fail time and time again, My Savior will make up the difference for me if I just keep trying.

After reading, I ran, cleaned out a closet (symbolic ritual I do on his birthday), did some menial chores around the house, went to his grave, put flowers there, gathered some leaves from the big Oak tree that stands by his graveside, then I headed to the temple. It was a beautiful day for me and I enjoyed every spiritual ray I soaked in.

I thought about the weather all day long. On the day Corbin was born it snowed, everything was white! On the day he died it rained harder than I'd ever seen and then the sun came out. All day today it was the same. When I went for my run it was cloudy, when I finished it was so sunny. When I went to the grave it was overcast when I left the sun peaked through. When I went to the temple it was gray again and when I came out the clouds had cleared and the sun was shinning on the beautiful fall colors. I am constantly amazed at the tender mercies of the Lord and how frequently and abundantly he sends them if we take the time to look!

In remembrance of my son today I would like to post this video. It came to me today from a great friend who understands me well. Isn't it great to have friends, family, and people in our lives who are generous and forgiving in their natures. I love the people in my life who constantly overlook my imperfections, give me the benefit of the doubt, believe in me and extend their love continually to me even when it's not convenient, and even though at times I'm not worthy of it. These are the true disciples of Christ in my life, they are my friends, they are my family/my husband and my children, they are the people in my life who never give up on me and gently overlook the worst of me, loving me regardless. They make a huge difference in my life! And of these my son Corbin sets the highest example of all!

I had a beautiful day today remembering Corbin and I look forward to the time I will be with him again! I am thankful he is on the other side of the veil to help me. I know his presence there gives me another set of hands on the other side to bring me safely home. I hope in the end he will be proud of me.



Happy Birthday Corbin . . . you are one of my hero's!